Today, I experienced a supernatural level of kindness that I’ve never experienced before. I’d heard and read countless stories about ordinary people who’ve received extraordinary acts of kindness; however, until now, I’d never witnessed it first hand. Allow me to explain.
As you may or may not know, from September 2018 until now, I’ve been battling ongoing health issues. A result of one thing after another has left me drained spiritually, emotionally withdrawn, physically exhausted, and financially ruined. With tons of bills mounting up, a lack of finances to pay for food and gas, let alone anything else, and more doctors appointments coming within the next weeks and months, I felt like God was laughing at my pain, had uprooted Himself from my presence, and had left me, abandoning me to my fate.
I know this may seem sad for some, or embarrassing to admit for others, but it is my truth. Yes, even me, with all my daily bible studies, writings to you and personal prayers to God, I was emotionally hurt, deeply in my feelings and rightfully [in my mind] upset with God for leaving me to deal with this stressful, crappy life all by my lonesome. I felt like I was done holding onto blind hope with my fingers crossed that He, The Almighty Father God, who knew what I was going through was somehow going to magically appear to fix my problems. So, I went to God angrily, demanding some answers! I felt that since He had turned His back on me, I needed to know what I had done so bad to warrant such pain, headache, physical ailments, economic hardship and despair.
So yesterday, I sat in my room, in my feelings, having a one-sided conversation with God begging, pleading, crying, practically yelling and dare I say cursing God asking Him why He’d abandoned me to this horrible state of crisis. Prior to getting sick last year and my financial downfall, I thought I was going in the way that The Lord wanted me to go. In my eyes, I stayed faithful to the tasks He instructed me to do. I followed my plans thoroughly, and was well on my way of executing it when everything in my life suddenly started to fall apart, and it all started with my health. Now that I’m broken-hearted, sick, in financial ruin with mounds of debt piling up and no way of paying for anything, looking towards better days was starting to seem like a fallacy statement, rather than a hopeful fruition.
So, with all that’s going on, needless to say, I was very disappointed in my life and my walk with God. I needed a spiritual renewal, a sign of sorts that The Lord was still with me because I was feeling completely lost, and having serious abandonment issues. I felt like there was no way things were going to turn around for me. I’d been sick for too long, I’d been down and out for too long, and there was no way God was going to move on my behalf with the state of life I’m in.
Alhough I’ve read tons of stories in the Bible about how God covered, protected and provided for His chosen people during economic hardship, famine, stressful situations, hopelessness, lost and despair, I couldn’t remember experiencing anything like that before. With my inexperience, I had no way of really knowing God’s level of kindness in that capacity. I’ve seen Him come through for me before financially, but I thought that was a once in a lifetime deal. Sure, there’s those real life accounts in the Bible about Noah and the flood, Joesph the dreamer and the great famine of Egypt, Moses and the Israelites escaping Egypt heading towards their promised land, Jesus feeding 5,000+ people, etc., but I’d never in my life witnessed such a miracle like that for myself… that is until today.
After spending days living off the few items in my refrigerator such as various beans cooked every way imaginable, plantains, corn tortillas, almond and cashew milk, water, flour and eggs, I’d had enough of eating the same things. With there not being enough food to go around, for the first time ever, multiple and complete nutritious meals per day was not an option for me. Instead, eating 1-2 small meals per day became my new norm. Thankfully, I’d pray over each meal thanking God for what I had all the while hoping for an opportunity to be able to turn things around for myself.
Well praise God because today that opportunity came. Unfortunately, the opportunity didn’t come in the form I expected, but I’m grateful it came nonetheless. I was looking for my blessing, my prayers to be answered in the form of an open door finally opening up on one of my dreams that I’d spent the last eight (8) years trying to achieve. Instead, what I got shocked and overwhelmed me so much so that I couldn’t even get the emotions to come out.
While laying in bed this morning, I got a call from my mother that there was a surprise waiting for me downstairs. Thinking it was a family member or an old ex-boyfriend that I didn’t want to see, I grudgingly got out of bed, slipped into a pair of white with red, orange, blue, and pink hearts all over polyester lounge pants, a pink GAP hoodie, and my pink slippers with glittered bows on the top, and proceeded to head downstairs to see what all of the fuss was about. When I got to the foot of the steps, I peered into the adjacent living room and saw no one but my white, fluffy Lhasa Apso dog looking back at me with his long tail wagging. As I proceeded to head into the dining room and kitchen, my maternal grandmother was standing by the table in a Vana White pose yelling “Ta Da!” while talking on the phone with my mother and uncle. Although it wasn’t the famed Wheel of Fortune host showing me that I’d won a brand new car, it was an answer to my prayers.
There, stacked across the dining room table and kitchen floor, were large stacks of rustic style boxes filled with fresh fruits and vegetables from the farm. There were even a few canned goods added to the mix. There was so much food staring back at me that I didn’t even know where to begin, nor if my refrigerator would be able to fit it all. Immediately, a big smile came across my face and I was overwhelmed with a variety of emotions. Inside, I said a quick, “Thank You God,” as I felt a rush of joy, shock, happiness, appreciation and more importantly, love overtake me. It wasn’t the love from my family that got me, rather it was the love from God. There, in that moment, He showed me that He heard my prayers and had showed up to supply my needs.
At this present time, I’m still overwhelmed as I write this to you. This morning, was my first encounter with God in this way. I’d heard many stories of people who were hungry, and God providing them with food; however, I’d never experienced it for myself. In the past, when I could afford to, I’ve bought and given food away to many people who were homeless or just friends / family in need, but I’d never received that level of kindness back in return. That is, until now. Words cannot describe how I feel at this time, but I hope I painted the picture well for you. No matter what you’re going through, nor how bad things may seem, nor how scarce resources may be, don’t give up hope. Go and talk to God about it. Pray, read His word, let Him know everything that’s going on and thank Him for all He’s done thus far.
Just when I wanted to give up hope, and I believed that God had abandoned me, He showed up in a major way and showered upon me a level of kindness that I’ll never forget. Ironically, last night after “spilling-the-tea” and crying out to God about everything I was feeling and going through, I had finished reading the story of Joesph the dreamer. Reading Joesph’s story reminded me in some instances of myself and my life. I won’t get into it today, maybe I’ll save that story for another time; however, I strongly urge you to read his story in the Bible for yourself. It just may be the very blessing you need in order to understand why everything is happening to you, as well as why God loves to take the bad circumstances and use it for His good.
Today, I now have a testimony as a living witness that The Almighty, Powerful Father God still works in the miracle business. I am overwhelmed by my blessings today for I still cannot believe the miracle that has just happened to me. Trust me when I tell you, if He did it for me, He can surely do it for you. Just trust Him and give Him a try. Watch Him blow your mind with His abundant level of kindness, just as He’s done mines. I pray God shows up for you in a big way as soon as possible!
Sincerely with love,
Travel photography by IG users: @212sid , @amai_mizu_