The issue of sex outside of marriage has been a debate for centuries. People like to spew what the Bible says in hopes that it will keep young people from having premarital sex. I think we miss the mark in doing this when we try to teach it as if we ourselves have never experienced fleshly desires, lust and sex outside of marriage.
Personally, I like sex as the next person. I couldn’t get enough of it in my relationships. However I’ve found that my desires were still not being met by the relationships I had in my life. No matter how deep I felt in love, I still wasn’t feeling loved. Each time I had sex, I was left afterwards feeling very empty inside. I didn’t realize what was missing. It’s because our souls weren’t connected. Our spirits weren’t one with God’s. Sex is just a physical connection. Once that spark passes away, what do you have left? Nothing. Even though I knew all of these things, I’d still go back for more thinking that’s what I needed to be fulfilled. Boy, was I wrong!
As you grow, you learn that sex is not enough. You need more substance in your life. Long-lasting relationships resulting in marriage requires more than just sex. In marriage, they say lust will die. All those butterflies will eventually fade away. That’s when you are left with the real work. That’s when you have to have more substance, a deeper connection with someone aside from sex. If sex is all you have, then you honestly have nothing.
If you’ve just realized you’re in that same unhappy, empty boat of nothingness / situationship with somebody, don’t worry, you’re not alone! Every relationship needs that mirror. Every person in a relationship needs to see their reflection. Take away the good sex, sweet kisses, and meaningless words of nothing and see what you really have. You’re only staying with that person or putting up with their crap based on the illusion of love. You don’t really love the person, you love what they can do to your body. You love the physical connection and how good it feels when you’re having sex. After you’re done spreading your legs, after that moment of passion is gone, you will realize you have nothing left. You are still stuck empty inside trying to fill that void.
Why? NEWSFLASH: that wasn’t love, that was lust and infatuation! “Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.” (1 Corinthians 13: 4-7 NLT)
The key is having love in EVERY circumstance whether things are going good, bad or ugly. When your money is gone, when you don’t feel like having sex, when you’re sick, going through hard times, depressed, stressed out, etc., do you still have love there or a physical headache of a person?
““Don’t waste what is holy on people who are unholy. Don’t throw your pearls to pigs! They will trample the pearls, then turn and attack you.” (Matthew 7:6 NLT) “Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life.” (Proverbs 4:23 NLT) “Don’t you realize that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit, who lives in you and was given to you by God? You do not belong to yourself,” (1 Corinthians 6:19 NLT)
I’d rather wait until I find the right spirit to connect with me, than to keep giving away my pearls to pigs. I’d rather be whole in God, allow Him to work on me and through me, waiting for Him to send the right man my way. There’s no point in feeling emptiness, fake love / infatuation, and lust by the wrong person. If I wanted that then I can do bad all by myself! It’s more conducive to my health, my sanity and my spirituality to wait to marry & be with the right guy instead of keep sticking daggers into my heart for the sake of sex.
So dear friends, heed my advice if you want to or find your own path to take. I’m only here giving you the real deal in hopes that you don’t have to go down that same road. Chasing lust leads to nothing but heartache, pain and emptiness. Chase God and allow Him to fill your hearts with joy. Follow Christ and allow Him to teach you what it really, truly means to have and be loved. If you think you had it figured out before, I promise you were doing it all wrong. His way of love is the only way to understand love. ““For this is how God loved the world: He gave his one and only Son, so that everyone who believes in him will not perish but have eternal life.” (John 3:16 NLT) Now if that’s not some deep, sacrificial love, then I don’t know what is.
Sincerely with love not lust,
Travel photography by IG user: @enk