As I lay awake in bed this morning, I pray to God asking not for anything but thanking him for everything. However, before I prayed is what’s significant because as I was reading my morning devotional, I was asked a serious question, “What about your place makes you afraid?”
Now I hadn’t realized I was afraid until that question came up. My immediate response without thinking was, “that I’m not doing enough. I’m not writing enough and maybe I’m not making a big enough impact on the world.”
Wow, what a mind blowing thing to say, or in this case, think. Interesting enough, this journey I started, wasn’t intended to be a large impact to begin with. I’m not a preacher and have absolutely no desire to minister to anybody. I’m not that good with quoting scriptures verbatim and I don’t have that strong “preachery” voice to yell to the masses. Heck, I don’t even go to church! I’m just a young woman who’s been lost so I turn to my Bible & prayer everyday to help guide me through.
With my days lately, rather than days past, I’ve felt a renewed sense of purpose. Writing. I say renewed because at one point I had lost that purpose. I had lost faith in myself and my life. I felt like I was a failure and only meant to do one thing – take care of my grandmother. Therefore, when she passed away, I figured my life would be ending soon because my job, my task, was complete.
But that’s just it. It was a task. It was a part of my job but it wasn’t my only job. I haven’t completed all the tasks God has or will give me yet. Though, I didn’t know that at the time.
For years, I was encouraged by friends to speak out and tell my story; however, I ran from it every time. I felt shame and embarrassment for how my life had turned out. I thought it was the norm. I thought that others my age would / had been going through the same thing; thereby why would anyone want to hear my story. I was a nobody, so who could I impact.
It’s through my daily prayers, devotionals and scripture reading that I’ve grown enough to know and accept God’s plan is not my plan. Life’s a journey made up of stories to tell. Writing can heal if you let it. I learned and was shown that through my stories, it can help! I learned that I didn’t go through all I went through to keep it to myself. I’m a wounded healer.
So now I’m proud to get back to writing again; only this time, I use it for God’s purpose – to tell my story of how God brought me out of the darkest times in my life! I may not be healed, still may have some scars, but it’s He who makes all things better.